Surviving adolescence can be difficult enough for a teenager, even when all the supports and systems are functioning and in place. Surviving it as a parent is another challenge, and we don’t always recognize or know what we are dealing with in our young men or young women from day to day, nor how we are faring in the process of surviving these teen years.

Self-Confidence and a Sense of Humor are Vital Parenting Tips When Dealing with Teenagers

Adolescence is a notoriously turbulent time of development wherein all the mysterious forces of the galaxy tend to converge at once upon the unsuspecting teenage creature: unstable hormones, mood swings, physiological changes, peer pressures, fashion trends, puppy loves, relationship breakups, existential crises, curfew violations, sour attitudes, sex, and driver education - just to name a few.

Crucial to parenting during this stage of life is the ability to develop a discerning eye and a prayerful heart without resorting to smothering, sneaking, spying, or otherwise driving your kids crazy with questions - all of which I am all too guilty! It also helps tremendously if you’ve got a healthy dose of self-confidence and a generous sense of humor.

Care without making it about control

Set limits and establish authority. However, if you find yourself becoming too rigid and placing unreasonable expectations on your teenager, or if you find ourselves “majoring on minors,” maybe it is time to step back and reflect on your intentions. What is your goal? If it’s about being in control, are you setting yourselves and your kids up for a galactic battle in the which neither side will win? There is wisdom found in the advice to ‘choose your battles wisely’ when it comes to teenagers.

Stop Getting Sucked into Teenage Drama and Button-Pushing

Expect conflicts and have a plan to manage them. The purpose for button-pushing is to deflect from the real issue at hand. Kids instinctively seem to know how to get parents sidetracked so they back down and give in to what the adolescent really wants. Insist on respectful communication, and exit quietly when respect is not present. Instead, let consequences speak for you. A great line to use with teens is, “I love you too much to argue about that.” Then exit the scene. Don’t react or get sidetracked.

Let Go and Let God

Kids need plenty of space to individuate and plenty of time for themselves to figure out who they are. We must learn to let go more and trust a process that we may never understand. Parents tend to worry from day to day how their kids are doing and what they are thinking. They worry about what influences may be exerting pressure on them to conform. While it is legitimate to monitor our kids’ comings and goings with friends, we must balance it with the understanding that young adults also need time and space to be themselves to develop their own interpersonal style.

Bless Your Teens with Kind and Encouraging Words

Tell your teens they have what it takes, over and over. Tell them how beautiful they are and how proud of them you are. Tell them often that you love them. Praise them for who they are, not just what they do. Be generous in pointing out their positive qualities and successes and be gracious and merciful when they fail. Kids live up to what they hear; they respond well to encouragement. Be affectionate. Sometimes you need to hug that angry bear.

Time and Prayer Will See You Both Through

Savor every moment your teens are willing to share with you. Spend time with them as a parent. Seek them out. Engage them in fun, special activities from time to time. Share their joys and sorrows with them. Help them carry their burdens rather than fix them. Pray for them and with them. Good parenting is rooted in good relationships with our kids and all relationships are born out of our own personal closeness with God.

Cherish Every Moment

With adolescence, there is good news and bad news. The good news is, this too shall pass. The bad news is that it will pass all too quickly. Cherish every moment of the turbulent teens. Then be ready to send these children you have loved with all your heart into the world. And remember always to entrust them into the faithful hands of their Father in Heaven.